Hello people!!! Long time no read right? Forgive me. I have a ton of drafts and my mind is filled with a lot of stuff to share but somehow my body doesn’t cooperate to bring all the awesomeness into physical manifestation. We’re working on making that happen less, one post at a time. For the most part of this year, I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of friendships; what it really entails. And so I decided to share some of my thoughts with you. As with most things we ponder on in life, these thoughts didn’t come out of the blues, they were precipitated by certain events that occurred in my relations with some of my friends towards the end of last year. For the longest time, I didn’t really know how to put my thoughts into words as they were really all over the place and I was beginning to feel somewhat dramatic. Then I changed phones, switching back to an Android OS which meant I was able to gain access to my old notes on ColorNote, there I found a short piece I’d written over 4 years ago. I’ve always felt like the word ‘friend’ depicts a lot more than a mere acquaintance. I sometimes cringe subconsciously to call a random person I just met a friend, because I feel like they haven’t earned that title. I decided to check the dictionary definition and Merriam Webster gave a somewhat satisfactory description. The first definition was in line with what I felt but seeing the second one suggesting acquaintance as a possible synonym for friend got me thinking so I decided to check that up too. It’s usually a lot easier to just say friend than it is to say acquaintance. Plus, it sounds less professional. This little exercise in looking up definitions showed me that beyond the conventional definitions, you need to define things for yourself – especially when those things are important to you. Eg. Success. Back to my musings, I think that beyond enjoying each other’s company, friendships should be a safe space where we can be vulnerable with each other, knowing that to the best of their abilities, each party will show genuine concern (and keep our secrets if need be). I believe that friendships should be earned and not just handed out to every random person that happens to cross our paths or be in the same space as we are. I believe that great friendships require a lot of commitment – mostly emotional – beyond taking cute pictures and going for events together. Recently, I’ve had somewhat deep conversations with the people I consider friends and I’ve felt closer to them than ever before. This has led me to strongly believe that friendships are more emotional than any other thing. It involves a consistent deposition in the emotional banks of those involved – not a one-sided one. Being a friend is a lot of work, truly rewarding work if you are friends with someone with similar energy. And as such I don’t think there should even be a phrase like ‘a bad friend’, because then the individual in question was probably not a friend to start with. As the years go by, so many things about us change, including what we desire in friendships – emotionally and otherwise. This can be a reason for friendships to break up and I don’t think that is such a terrible thing. Although it hurts, ultimately you have to be what’s best for you because really relationships are transactional. You hate to see it but it really is a cycle of giving and taking and when one party begins to do way more than the other in one regard, a disequilibrium occurs and that ‘-ship’ capsizes. I also do not see a point in having longterm friendships where the only achievement you can boast of is the length of years, not the depth of what you have together. On some level, we all understand the depth of what friendship entails, which is why we often categorise our frienships: close friend, best friend or those who we begin to consider family. Some of the people I know do not support this though as they believe that the simple concept of friendship is enough to inspire loyalty in said friends. I don’t think there is a right or wrong in this. I am still in the process of unravelling this concept of friendship. I’m doing my best to be more conscious with it as well as being patient enough with others. I’m also learning to be a friend to myself first, caring for myself and being intentional about my space. I can only be a good friend if I am self-aware and improving on myself. I believe that as with any other aspect of self-development, this is a life long journey and I will definitely keep learning as the years go by. I’d also like to hear your thoughts on friendship. Do share them in the comments section below. Xoxo, Sisikunmi.
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